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another catastrophic success
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| Kerouac, "Hymn" |
[11 Sep 2007|09:30am] |
And when you showed me Brooklyn Bridge
in the morning,
Ah God,
And the people slipping on ice in the street,
twice,
twice,
two different people
came over, goin to work,
so earnest and tryful,
clutching their pitiful
morning Daily News
slip on the ice & fall
both inside 5 minutes
and I cried I cried
Thats when you taught me tears, Ah
God in the morning,
Ah Thee
And me leaning on the lamppost wiping
eyes,
eyes,
nobody's known I'd cried
or woulda cared anyway
but O I saw my father
and my grandfather's mother
and the long lines of chairs
and tear-sitters and dead,
Ah me, I knew God You
had better plans than that
So whatever plan you have for me
Splitter of majesty
Make it short
brief
Make it snappy
bring me home to the Eternal Mother
today
At your service anyway,
(and until)
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| google your soul |
[10 May 2007|09:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
hangar 18 - think big |
] |
"One world means there's no place to hide." - Bruce Sterling
____
New goal right now is to do something new or unique every day or if not every day as much as possible. Might also refer to it as living in the moment and not just shutting down at 6 p.m. when I get home.
Saturday: Free comic book day! Went with Dave to the mall and got comics, also met Spiderman. Then we went to the Gamestop and played Guitar Hero! Excellent. Then we visited Ashlee at work. All around a good day.
Sunday: Went to Duke Gardens for the first time. Also went to the gym to achieve goal of being strong enough to carry my friend Dave out of a burning airplane (as necessary).
Monday: Tried Moe's "Joey bag of donuts" burrito (which I think either took its name from a Mike Birbiglia bit or Mike took his bit from them if I'm even thinking of the right phrase) with coworkers when we went out to lunch. I admit this is a stretch. Monday... Monday... what else Monday? Believe that covers it.
Tuesday: Listened to halfpixel.com's podcast in the morning - http://www.halfpixel.com/ (Daily Affirmation with Kris and Scott/Scott and Kris). Also I drew a woman in a kimono on the whiteboard in my office. Used many colors of marker.
Wednesday: Went to Mellow Mushroom pizza place with Mike, Sarah, Ashlee and Dave.
For two and a half hours. Erased kimono woman and drew some leaves instead.
Tonight: Not a damned thing. Unless you count updating this journal - that is a pretty rare thing. Attempted to go swimming with Dave and Ashlee but did not work out.
Tomorrow: Swimming?
Saturday I am hoping to go to this place in Durham called Brightleaf Square. I've been there before but it's been a long time.
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| beatles - in my life |
[20 Apr 2007|10:33pm] |
There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends
I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I've loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
there is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more
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| et voila |
[17 Mar 2007|07:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 refreshed |
] |
I caught "300" (the movie) last week and it was great, except the script which was crappy. Looked/sounded better in the comic. But visually it was amazing! Next time I catch it, it will be better on mute.
Now I'm about to go see "Amazing Grace" which should be pretty good.
Otherwise work is going well, still working on a book and getting it produced, seems like it will never end but all should be done by Tues. Woo diet 7up, hooray. Just wanted to check in & report I'm still alive.
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[28 Feb 2007|07:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nostalgic |
] |
I've been reading this at work, Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer; every chapter is more and more intriguing. I have to go do laundry now.
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| in an elevator |
[23 Feb 2007|07:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
I don't know why, but these photos of people in elevators are really fascinating. Maybe it's the way they pose, and how diverse the groups are in a tiny little space like that.
I also like how the closing elevator doors re-frame each shot. "Photography is about finding out what can happen in the frame. When you put four edges around some facts, you change those facts." -Garry Winogrand
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| "Fiery the angels fell; deep thunder rolled around their shores; burning with the fires of Orc." |
[28 Jan 2007|12:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nerdy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
collide - euphoria |
] |
Well since it is the weekend I should update, I guess. A couple of friends and I watched more of Star Trek Enterprise, and I don't know why, but it has been very appealing and fun as we go through the whole series ... especially skipping the horrendous intro song.
Now it's 1 a.m. and here I am in my great big apartment that has no insulation in the walls, so it's always cold. Saturday Night Live just ended, but I think it was a rerun. I have a couple of new books to read which is nice.
Managed to talk to John today, and we had this pretty great conversation; it's amazing how we can just pick up wherever we left off despite not even chatting with each other since Christmas or having seen each other in person since July or August.
I did some math last night while feverishly attempting to fall asleep, using my cellphone as a calculator, and determined I've been alive approximately 10,000 days. This is still sinking in. Big time. I could hardly say I've lived every day to its full potential. And I don't know what things will be like 2,000 days from now, or five, or ten thousand more. I mean, tomorrow is still pretty up in the air right now. Maybe I'll be living in DC or Vancouver or inside of the Internet like a certain XFiles episode I could name. I just don't know. Like I said, this is still sinking in. Big time.
I may need to make another entry about this. But for now, I should get some sleep, I suppose.
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| Durham, pronounced Derm |
[21 Jan 2007|04:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
blue october - into the ocean |
] |
Rain and more rain today - probably around freezing temps. Here in North Carolina people begin to panic at the least mention of snow. Last week there was about an inch of snow that came down one morning. All the schools closed, the reporters on the local news were going bonkers ... and a bunch of people wrecked their cars all over the highway, and some of them died.
An inch of snow, and people died!
So now I'm debating if I should go out and run some errands, because someone may run into my car and kill me! Well, not really, I'm just not feeling like going out, and I need a good excuse.
They moved Battlestar Galactica to Sunday nights at 10 so I'll be staying up to catch it. You know I don't really have any other exciting plans for anything coming up. I guess they're all related to movies, like Hannibal Rising.
There is a cafe (that has coffee and beer, oddly?) on Broad Street that Dave and Ashlee told me about, maybe I'll get them to go check it out with me.
Oh.. this cracked me up. http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2007/01/03
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| remixes |
[20 Jan 2007|03:02pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
paul oakenfold |
] |
I was going to look through my old LJ posts to see what I was doing in 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005 and 2006 on Jan. 20 of those years, but then I realized, I don't even know what I'm going to do today, so what good would that info be. The old paper journals won't be any help either, I don't think.
Although later my friends and I are going to have a little Star Trek Enterprise marathon, so I do have a reasonable assumption that I'll be doing that later. (So many things to compain about with that series, but what can I say... star trek is star trek.) We were supposed to run this marathon last night but the DVDs didn't get here in the mail. So we watched some other stuff like Psych and Monk. It's scary how many little stupid inside jokes we are getting from Psych. "Banana."
In fact right now I'm waiting for the dishes to get finished in the washer and then putting them away, so I thought I'd post.
I've been editing a book @ work which is pretty neat. Cool to be doing the print thing for a minute in the midst of all the intertron stuff I do every day.
soooo.. there you go.
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| don't look now but mary is everybody |
[17 Jan 2007|10:40pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
oakenfold - jump the next train |
] |
why is it i can't think of anything to say but song lyrics... and poems? and that it's cold.. and i'm shivering.. and the weather is bad?
Next Day
By Randall Jarrell
Moving from Cheer to Joy, from Joy to All,
I take a box
And add it to my wild rice, my Cornish game hens.
The slacked or shorted, basketed, identical
Food-gathering flocks
Are selves I overlook. Wisdom, said William James,
Is learning what to overlook. ( Read more... )
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| belize, guatemala, mexico |
[16 Jan 2007|07:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 worried |
] |
I'm reading this book Time Among the Maya by Ronald Wright. If you are interested in the Maya, both ancient and modern, this is a great account. Here's something from it:
"We bypass Antigua, where we plan to spend the night, and follow the panamericana to Tecpan Guatemala, Alvarado's first capital.
The 1976 earthquake and subsequent man-made violence have given Tecpan a mean, dirty look. Not even the rainbow colors of a wedding procession can dispel an air of hopelessness in the town; the Cakchiquel inhabitants still seem sunk in the despair that overtook them when they realized their mistake in allying themselves with the Spaniards against the Quiches and Tzutuhils.
The disunity of the Maya is at once their greatest strength and greatest weakness. They could not be subdued like the Aztecs by the destruction of a single city, nor paralyzed like the Incas by the ransom of a god-king. But their internecine squabbles blinded them to the Spanish threat until it was too late. ( Read more... )
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| boomstickness |
[08 Jan 2007|11:25am] |
|
Also, has anyone else seen the new commercials with Bruce Campbell?? I so have to buy Old Spice now.
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| safely here.... safely back 'home' |
[24 Dec 2006|09:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cold |
] |
I'm back in Muncie tonight as reported earlier. I had a safe flight and no real problems.
Right now I'm updating from the hotel kiosk. I meant this trip to see my family, which I'm doing, but I also tried to seek out some old friends, but nothing worked out - it is the holidays after all. It's 939 pm on a Sunday and I'm about to go back to my hotel room and crash for the night. I have not had any downtime or really serious sleep since Friday, and this has caused everything to seem like it is going by extremely quickly.
Today I saw my cousin Greg and his wife which was a surprise. It's always nice to see them, but I only see them rarely. I saw my grandmother and made her smile a lot today, I think. I've kind of gotten a lot more confidence since moving to Durham, and it shows. My friends have commented on it. I reach out to people more.
Leaving Muncie has been an excellent decision in many respects. In some ways it's brought me closer to my family, even. My brother and I communicate better, somehow.
I'm going to update this LJ more I believe. I hope.
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| Perhaps never to return |
[23 Dec 2006|08:43am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 rushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
paul oakenfold, jump the next train |
] |
I'm flying back to Indiana today around 526 p.m., with a layover in Chicago. I'm hoping it all goes well, although I haven't been able to do my laundry yet. Just getting ready to go do that. I would have done it last night at the apartment laundry room but it didn't work out due to what I'll just refer to as the 'quarter fiasco.'
I've got new podcasts on the mp3 player and I bought two more cds for something to listen to (DJ Shadow and Regina Spektor). I'm making a lot of weird noises like "waah," and "raaaah" and feel unprepared.
Maybe no one else will fly today and it'll be simple. Maybe they'll give me a private jet. Maybe I'll just drive the 650 miles. I was supposed to sleep til 10 but I woke up at 7 and couldn't get back to sleep, so wah. Rah. See what I mean?
Have a safe weekend all.
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| time to breathe |
[28 Oct 2006|07:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
jubilant |
] |
I got a job. Well, I have had a job since Sept. 6, but no real way to update this LJ. I just got internet today in my new apartment. This is all good news. I am very glad. I am changing jobs on Nov. 8. I did the budget and realized that the job I took wasn't going to cut it.
I'll be doing a corporate Web site, the intranet, and the e-mail newsletter, as well as editing books and designing book layouts.
I need to write more but there isn't time right this moment. I will post pictures in the next few weeks. But everything is going as well as it can be.
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| bubble wrap |
[14 Aug 2006|11:58pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
fiona apple - red red red |
] |
I moved to Durham, North Carolina last week. Surprise?
I kind of feel broken in half here. I don't have a job. I don't have an apartment. I am staying with friends. I am here to start a new life but it is frustrating. I sometimes feel like screaming or crying. I sometimes feel very serene. Not sure what to make of this. Been thinking about my past life back in Indiana a lot of really letting go. I had no idea it would be so difficult.
I have left the problems of my family behind, I have left behind acquaintences and friends, perhaps a lifetime of complacency and constant visual reminders of my past to attempt something better. Durham is amazing. North Carolina is beautiful. I am with people who care about me here. I am also surrounded by complete strangers. I don't think anyone has written a song to sum this up, but I'm flipping through my mp3s trying to feel something.
Snakes on a Plane comes out Friday and we have tickets.
Why does it seem like everything is spinning a little out of control?
Maybe I will post that I got a job soon. And an apartment. And time to breathe.
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| all things false fall from the dead |
[16 May 2006|11:38am] |
In my grandparent's condo is a framed set of photographs that were taken over time lapse showing a building being imploded. The caption says it's the "Kokomo Gas Tower" and the date it was imploded.
My grandfather's death this past Friday at three in the morning seemed like something my family could prepare for. The charges were set far in advance. He was 81 years old, and had been struggling between life and death in hospice care in his home for a month. But on Friday morning, the charges went off, and everything crumbled, including all our preparedness, all my rationalizations that it would be okay.
Yesterday was the funeral for my grandfather. His name was Howard, which means guardian of the home. This turned out to be an auspicious name. My dad said that my grandfather was the greatest provider he'd ever known, that growing up he never wanted for anything.
Originally, the funeral itself was to be a simple gathering. At the end of his life, Howard changed his mind and asked for a traditional viewing. As soon as I walked into the parlor and saw the casket, and grandpa within looking like he was just asleep and would get up in a minute, asking us questions in his booming voice; I knew the next few hours were going to be extremely hard.
My dad withdraws from human emotions and won't let anyone see them. He doesn't like people to see him cry. I have only seen him cry twice in my life; once when my great-grandfather died and once when my mom kicked him out of our house. Even then it was abrupt, as if he had the sadness quickly extracted like a tooth and then the novacaine kicked in. He didn't cry yesterday, and I hadn't expected him to. I spoke to Joyce, the reverend for the ceremony, who told me my dad intimidated her. I reassured her that dad didn't mean to do this, but it was his way of dealing with this situation.
As the day went on I found myself taking cues from dad, as I had since Friday, steeling myself against feeling anything about the day. I didn't want anyone to see my tears, which is how things are done as a daughter of my father. I had to sneak into the bathroom once to let a few escape, then thought I'd be okay the rest of the day.
As I have experienced in the past, letting myself build my grief up inside in this way only means that it comes out all the more uncontrollably later and at the strangest times. I watched the 21-man salute, feeling retched but attempting to control myself. The 21-man salute was done as my grandpa had served in WWII, and the Veterans of Foreign Wars sent a detail to honor my grandfather's service. Each member of the detail walked up to the casket and very slowly and dramatically in the backlight of the funeral parlor's lamps saluted my grandfather and took off his hat, then walked away in solemnity. This was very dramatic and stirring to watch. They unfolded and then re-folded an American flag, and then presented it my grandmother. Someone in the chairs whispered "I've never seen that done before."
Then Joyce spoke, and we listened as she related some of the memories from my grandfather's life; meeting my grandfather at a scrap drive for the WWII effort, buying a lakehouse and pontoon in northern Indiana and the enjoyment my family received from it, the time I had been crying as a child and grandpa popped his dentures out at me, and I laughed so hard I stopped crying.
I had always thought that my dad's unwillingness to show emotion came from his parents, and the family they came from. I was wrong; it is his way of doing things. As I watched my dad's sister and her family coping together, so easily and without shame, I wished my dad, brother and I could be the same.
I learned from my grandfather in his death that family is too important to build a wall around yourself and ignore your emotions about them, and to support each other. There is a way to be well-adjusted to life and to live it well for 81 years with no regrets, as my grandfather did. Despite the faults he thought he had, the sins he brought to Reverend Joyce and struggled with, he found great peace, and said many times that he had led a full and satisfied life because of his family. That is worth honoring.
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| My grandfather died last night |
[12 May 2006|11:09am] |
From all old seamy throats of elders, musty books, I've salvaged not a word. In a dream I walked with my grandfather by a dark lake and the old man's talk was filled with incertitude. I saw how all things false fall from the dead. We spoke easily and I was humbly honored to walk with him deep in that world where he was a man like all men. From the small end of a corridor in the autumn woods he watched me go away to the world of the waking.
"Suttree" by Cormac McCarthy
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| 1812 / new kittens in house / going to las vegas tomorrow |
[13 Oct 2005|10:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 busy |
] |
I went to an 1812 battle re-inactment in Marion, Indiana last weekend. I took some video of the battle, it's kinda cool. It's here if you want to see - only click if you have a high bandwidth connection cuz it's pretty big.
Also I am going to Las Vegas tomorrow with my dad and my roommates. He is playing in a poker tournament there. It should be fun. I just finished packing. I'm having a lot of trouble saving $$$ with all these trips. I have got to be a little more careful!
My roommates got two kittens. They are simply adorable. They are so perfect that I sometimes suspect they are robot pets like in Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep (Blade Runner to movie fans). Roommates named the new kittens Ché and Marx. The grey one is Marx, the other one is Ché.
Click below for pictures
( Read more... )
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| NC weekend |
[03 Oct 2005|06:25pm] |
Here's a picture and two videos from my trip this weekend to Raleigh, North Carolina to visit Mike for his birthday and Sarah:
( Read more... )
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| birthday party! |
[28 Sep 2005|11:06pm] |
Today was my birthday! I had a fantastic birthday. Everyone was so great! What did I do?
Roommates surprised me with an ice cream cake:
( Read more... )
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| chicago in september |
[05 Sep 2005|12:21pm] |
|
So I went to Chicago this weekend right. Me, Dave and Ashlee. The weather was really nice, and we had a good time, even though one of the exhibits we wanted to see was sold out. We went to the field museum and to the zoo. Want to see some pictures?( Read more... )
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| what's she up to now? well, going to chicago this weekend |
[02 Sep 2005|11:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
dj shadow |
] |
My aunt Sheila, who calls New Orleans home, got out before the storm hit and is staying with friends in Missouri. Her family is raising some money for her and Loren, her husband. Loren is a jazz musician down in nola who is with Sheila now in Missouri. Sheila works for Tulane University. I haven't been able to contact Sheila directly, but those who have spoken to her say she's all right. Everyone in my family was very worried about her but she was able to stay in contact. She and Loren are really great people, I hate this has happened to them. But I am so grateful they are safe.
Ball State, the university I work for, is opening its doors to students displaced by the hurricane, much like many universities across the country. Locally the Red Cross chapter is sending trained volunteers, and the Indiana National Guard is being dispatched. No word on if my friend Joe, a guardsmember, will be going.
Today Dave, my roommate, called me at work and said, "Okay, Chey, don't be mad at me." This usually means Dave has bought something extravagant, like say, airplane tickets to London for me and his wife, or an early birthday present. This time, it was tickets to Henry IV and a stay this weekend at a five star hotel. Dave's just like that. We'll be leaving tomorrow morning at 730 to drive up to Chicago, then we're going to the field museum. Dave and Ashlee are anthropology students, and I like that kind of stuff too. Then we're going to see Henry IV. The next day we'll go to the zoo. That's the plan for now.
Going to take the digicam and get lotsa pics, so if any of them are any good I'll toss em up here atcha. And lastly, donate to the Red Cross if you haven't already.
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| i was imagining what it must be like... |
[29 Aug 2005|03:12am] |
I'm not there, but I think, the city is empty, except tv crews and a few with steel-constucted houses further north.
All of the beads from years of celebration that glisten in the trees 365 days a year will be blown away.
At the basilica people would have visited, prayed and left, as far away as they could get. A statue stands now alone in the dark, and rain is falling upon the roof of the church like tears. All the candles are blown out now, lit perhaps earlier in the day with hopes attached to them but snuffed out hurriedly.
At the cemetaries, the bodies will rise out of the ground and be tossed into the willows. The cardboard or otherwise simple headstones will be lost, the born and dieds erased. In the pauper's cemetary the bodies are buried one on top of the other as time goes on, and their names added to existing placards or scratched into the stone.
At Tulane University the arriving students barely moved in before being evacuated. Classes were to start today. My aunt, who gave me a tour of the city when I visited one summer, works at Tulane, and she is safe, 150 miles west in a hotel.
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dragonflychey's journal
